everyone should frame their bike.

the past week or so has kicked my ass in every way possible, but i am one lucky creature to have great people to talk to (i.e. sarah, rose, jeff, brrraulnt) and that is ooooo-fucking-K. gettin' better. worried that i cannot succeed both personally and professionally and i am working on proving myself wrong.

additionally, i am working on possibly the most entertaining SLASH legitimate craigslist roommate ad to ever exist. i am going to be beaming with furious pride upon its completion.

fake science

my body hurts from laughing. this is one of those times when i loooove humans.

i am king!

looks like i have a new decoration (of myself, of course) for my workspace. my boss is going to shit. A+

great art is horseshit; buy tacos

breaking news in bedtime fashions

... wear an ugly tank top and pull arm warmers up to shoulders? CZECH.

i have become mildly-obsessed (no need to rise my personal terror alert quite yet) with this ridiculous website, the fancy. the concept is to install a plug-in on your internet browser which you can use to click on products/images/etc. that you...FANCY. it's essentially a facebook like, and pointless...until i realized i am periodically emailed discounts to products/online shops if i "fancy the right one at the right time". i won't be doing any of that  anytime soon, especially since i was robbed last week, but it's essentially a pointless new toy for me - especially since one of my obsessions is compiling lists of all sorts. moments ago, i fancy'd the following:

and i couldn't be more pleased. it would look horrific on me, and i would wear it as much as humanly possible. fart.

more unexplained nervousness than usual is swimming record-breaking laps inside my chest, further taking up the room i need for my vital organs. fuck. i am looking forward to this weekend. i hope to see a few people in particular. i hope not to creep people out with my strange ways of showing affection and appreciation for their existence. i am weird; maybe too weird. i need a lot of companionship and a lot of alone time, which doesn't always make sense. i rarely make sense of my needy needs and cannot explain them very well to the people that should know/deserve to understand. obstacles, what are those?

i think this is a JOURNAL now.

i've been sick for several days with an infection for each ear and fevers come and gone. i am starting to feel (at least) my mental energy come back but things still feel more scattered than usual.

i thought i could have figured out how to deal with having asperger's by myself by now (aside from my very nice doctor). how to explain to family, friends, or anyone else i care to share with. family is the worst to relate to: with an older brother who has been diagnosed longer than myself and who is completely different (common), there is a new set of facts and "rules". they are generally disinterested in learning and understanding my ways. i am coming to terms with that. it really is no different than anyone else who acts this way. friends, a few trusted co-workers, etc. you cut your losses. i am frustrated. i want to work proactively on understanding this neurological strangeness i have been given/gifted/burdened with and don't necessarily want to go it alone. luckily i have a wonderful close friend with AS that understands where i am coming from.

elsewhere, i'm unmotivated and sitting in the dark. i'm irritated because i left this bedroom messy. i'm going a little crazy, overanalyzing and questioning and wondering. can't i just let the good things be good? yes, i can. i'm almost sure that i'm imagining everything that i think could be wrong right now. \ i just need to find a way to deal with it on my own because others rarely listen without thinking i am totally psychotic and/or attention-seeking rather than just self-conscious and in need of lots of assurance. but anyway.

theories of anxiety

i need words, words, words.

do your job, ritalin.

turning myself into a pretentious bitch in 16 images or less

i think a bret easton ellis character sleeps in this bed

cereal party

real plants in used wine corks as fridge magnets

hot chocolate cupcake

making this one myself.

lantern festival in hawaii

homemade antler decor

polaboy: giant, lit polaroid

branch ring - $80

sharks never get me down

terrifyingly perfect - south american tree tents!

gaaaaa-ga

"When I look back on my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened, it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest, because I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us, arguably, that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics. They can be lost forever. It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again. It’s not that I’ve been dishonest, it’s just that I loathe reality. For example, those nurses? They’re wearing next-season Calvin Klein, and so am I. And the shoes? Custom Giuseppe Zanotti. I tipped their gauze caps to the side like Parisian berets because I think it’s romantic, and I also believe that mint will be very big in fashion next spring."

hang on, i have to scratch myself in two places at once.

i've considered adding a potentially embarrassing photo (see above) of myself to this sadblog every day, but i don't think i can commit to that. (i don't even write anything of substance...) i'll sneak 'em in.

new years' eve was very nice for me. i can't recall ever having a better one, at least in recent years. i have a pretty decent group of friends (even the ones i did not see), and i am on a steady diet of meeting nice, new people. now that i think of it, there was no need for any klonopin on NYE. it's quite rare for me to go without a second or third dose in a day. i'm willing to bet it was my company - it makes a world of difference. every once in a while, i encounter someone that makes me feel as if i do not have AS when i am around them. i have that right now.